. . .

I watched you try to cross the bridge,
looking for a steady foothold to walk on.
But you gave up so soon,
knowing you can't really cross a bridge you once burned.

As Billie Jean plays...

We’re having a light dinner at Chef’s
Complemented by some laughs and banter
When music filled the air

My head started nodding to its beat
And a smile slowly showed
Stretching from ear to ear

“I like that sound,” I said.
“It’s a classic 80’s sound…
I’d recognize that bass line anywhere”

Then he smiled, kind of amused
At the way I acted, but nevermind.
What mattered was he was there
(with me!)

And I love that smile
That it sometimes moves me to tears.
I’d recognize that smile anywhere.

Who?

Gone are your messages in my inbox
as well as your mobile number in my contacts.
I deleted you in my "friendster"
and already forgot your home phone number.
But someone told me it's your birthday today.

Oh. That...

Uh... like i care!

Kin

we could've shared more laughs,
but time didn't allow it.
we pass by each other for the last three days
exchanging smiles and nods...
but you only spoke to me,
in between my sips of gin and your shots of rhum
on the night before i left.

at least, that's a start.
maybe next time we'd talk more
when i get back,
if you're still there.

Vulnerability

You are the one kind of person
i've tried so hard to avoid.

And yet,
you have become an obssession,
a preoccupation.

an addiction -
something that's not good for me,
but i just can't leave it alone.

Suddenly....

the sound of your name feels so unfamiliar...
and the times we shared together
felt like a thousand years ago.
Just when i thought being apart from you
would be like a slow and painful death...
I am still here,
as if you never left...
coz now it feels like you never really came.

Down The Road

patiently, i waited,
but i waited in vain.
no, there won't be a final kiss.
there wasn't even a first kiss.
there was only a faint image
of your back towards me
and a deafening silence.

i reached for you,
only to find out
there wasn't anything to hold on to.
no outstretched hand,
no words of comfort,
nothing at all.

you never spoke of the words
i long to hear.
you only gave me promises,
sugar-coated words
that have lost their sweetness.
no meaning at all.

it's wrong to say i have lost you.
i never had your heart
like the way you had mine

and somewhere along the way...
you lost me.


- October 13, 2003

= = =

(was doing some cleaning yesterday when i stumbled upon my old notebooks. Brought back memories. I remember the boy, but i don't remember the feeling anymore. Haha! Y'all gonna see some more of these kind pretty soon!)

Untitled

When I’m in one of my silent moments,
please don’t ask me if I’m OK.

Obviously I am not.

I’m trying to calm
the turbulence within…
things beyond my control and understanding,
pervading irritations and unanswered questions.

You may attempt to get me talking
but you will not succeed.

Please don’t feel that you have a responsibility
to solve my problems.

If you could,
just be there for me.

Your presence is all that matters.

And when I’m letting out a sigh more than once,
or starting to pull my hair out of frustration,
could you please try to embrace me
and just make me feel that you’re there?

When everything is a blur,
a chaos,
when I feel like I can’t take it anymore,
your embrace will keep me from falling.

Your warmth is enough
to soothe the raging spirit
and calm the tempest within me.

I promise,

I won’t ask for anything more

October 2006

for someone who won't be there for me anymore

"Shall we dance?"

a question was asked
left hanging in the air.

ambivalence gets in the way
of an answer never verbalized.

like two people dancing the cha-cha:
you take one step forward
i take one step back.

but you turned around
as i was trying to step forward.

then i took one step back
just as you were coming
towards me.

if this is a game we play
then play just for the game's sake.

dance to the rhythm
but let not the rhythm take over.

i cannot make any promises,
but just go on with the kisses.

i may not always dance with you,
but keep asking me anyway.

Not in love

We are nothing like anything at all.

No words to define whatever it is
that happens between me and you.
No logical explanation
why my heart skips a beat
when i'm beside you.

Why i keep snapshots of your smile
carefully tucked away inside my head,
that by the end of the day
i look at them one by one
before i go to bed.

We are nothing like anything at all.

Let's not define what we feel for one another
for we may not be feeling the same thing.
A kiss will always be just a kiss.
And the touch of my skin against yours
may not be like what you're thinking.

Please do not get carried away.

Or maybe i should be the one
who needs to be reminded of these things.
'Cause we are nothing like anything at all.
And i know for sure, you'll never catch me
if ever i fall.