thank you!

a cover of one of my favorite songs :)

. . .

I watched you try to cross the bridge,
looking for a steady foothold to walk on.
But you gave up so soon,
knowing you can't really cross a bridge you once burned.

2nd attempts, surprises and fans

Remember last time's peanut butter cookies? That one was huge and a bit burnt actually. But since it was my first time baking those cookies, i had to accept it and vowed to make it better in other future attempts.

After making some adjustments, i had my best batch of peanut butter cookies on my 2nd attempt. Sorry i don't have a picture to prove my claim because i was so excited to bring the cookies at work to be sampled by my "fans."

Fans. I call them such because they were amazed that this cooking school dropout who doesn't have any background in baking can make a batch of cookies that, according to another fan, can keep up with commercial cookies.

Nakakataba ng puso.
Nakaka-palakpak ng tenga.

I'm just so happy that people appreciate what i do.

And it's so amazing that i can surprise myself pala. As the saying goes: "you'll never know what you're capable of doing until you've tried it."

I'm glad that i tried. And i've no regrets now about the remark i made to a colleague because she's now one of the fans.

;)

Home

It was around lunchtime when i got an SMS from Ted's younger brother, checking up how i've been since the last time i was with them in Bulacan.

I had the chance to hang out with Ted and his family during their town fiesta last week and i had a blast. Nothing fancy though. What made it such an enjoyable, albeit short, stay with them was their simplicity and warmth. I was so overwhelmed by their hospitality and their openness in accommodating me. I really felt like a bisita, which i was not accustomed to, and they wouldn't let me help out in the kitchen even if i wanted to.

At some point i even felt a bit awkward because during meals, i was always the one who finishes last. Alvin (Ted's bro) was pretty vocal about his observation, to which i reasoned out that i was taking the time to appreciate the food. Mababaw lang ang kaligayahan ko sa pagkain 'Vin.

+ + +

It's always refreshing to hang out with people like Ted and his family. They don't have much, but they have each other. There is that openness among each member of the household and freedom of speech is not suppressed. The even make fun of each other or joke about themselves. Every moment was light, candid, spontaneous.

And yes, i really felt "at home" with them.

+ + +

So when Alvin texted me "next year ulit?"
I didn't hesitate to reply "sure! Oo ba!"

Pagpasensyahan mo na lang ang kabagalan ko sa pagkain ha...

+ + +

Salamat po ulit sa Borlongan Family sa pag-ampon sa akin last June 23&24.
Sa uulitin po!

+

Haizz!

i feel like a blushing high school girl...
it's waaay out of my style...but i'm actually feeling like one.

and yeah, he's waaay out of my league but i didn't mind.

i just took a deep breath, held on tight, and made a leap of faith...

... with eyes wide open.

As Billie Jean plays...

We’re having a light dinner at Chef’s
Complemented by some laughs and banter
When music filled the air

My head started nodding to its beat
And a smile slowly showed
Stretching from ear to ear

“I like that sound,” I said.
“It’s a classic 80’s sound…
I’d recognize that bass line anywhere”

Then he smiled, kind of amused
At the way I acted, but nevermind.
What mattered was he was there
(with me!)

And I love that smile
That it sometimes moves me to tears.
I’d recognize that smile anywhere.

Different Jeep, Different Town...

Same f*cked up feeling....



the jeep song

i've been driving around town
with my head spinning around
everywhere i look i see
your '96 jeep cherokee

you're a bully and a clown
you made me cry and put me down
after all that ive been through
you'd think i'd hate the sight of you

but with every jeep i see
my broken heart still skips a beat
i guess its just my stupid luck
that all of boston drives that same black fucking truck

it could be him or am i tripping
and i'm crashing into everything
and thinking about skipping town a while
until these cars go out of style...

i try to see it in reverse
it makes the situation hundreds of times worse
when i wonder if it makes you want to cry
every time you see a light blue volvo driving by

so dont tell me that you're off to see the world
i know you wont get very far
dont call me if you get another girl baby
just call me if you get another car

the number of them is insane
every exit's an exboyfriend memory lane
every major street's a minor heart attack
i see a red jeep and i want to paint it black

it could be him or am i tripping
and i'm crashing into everything
i can't wait til you trade that fucker in
by then they will have stuck me in the looney bin

it could be him my heart is pounding
its just no use i'm surrounded
but someday i'll steal your car and switch the gears
and drive that cherokee straight off this trail of tears

2 months after

All of a sudden, i'm filled with a certain sadness that moves me to tears...
And all i'm trying to remember was the way he hugged me before we headed home
-like i was needed...
and it felt good.
That afternoon, I wished that kind of feeling would stay for a long time.

Who?

Gone are your messages in my inbox
as well as your mobile number in my contacts.
I deleted you in my "friendster"
and already forgot your home phone number.
But someone told me it's your birthday today.

Oh. That...

Uh... like i care!

Kin

we could've shared more laughs,
but time didn't allow it.
we pass by each other for the last three days
exchanging smiles and nods...
but you only spoke to me,
in between my sips of gin and your shots of rhum
on the night before i left.

at least, that's a start.
maybe next time we'd talk more
when i get back,
if you're still there.

Vulnerability

You are the one kind of person
i've tried so hard to avoid.

And yet,
you have become an obssession,
a preoccupation.

an addiction -
something that's not good for me,
but i just can't leave it alone.

Suddenly....

the sound of your name feels so unfamiliar...
and the times we shared together
felt like a thousand years ago.
Just when i thought being apart from you
would be like a slow and painful death...
I am still here,
as if you never left...
coz now it feels like you never really came.

Ready, Willing and Able!

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace

Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with an offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind
Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love
I am ready

we all have to go through bad days but hey, you can't have everything

updates, updates.

yeah, it's been a while since my last post.

i was supposed to be at Puerto Galera a couple of weeks ago but i backed out at the last minute because i needed to wallow again in my "miserable ex-girlfriend who got dumped twice and i really need to hide in my shell" mode. I was even about to do something really stupid that i would regret later on, but i was talked out of it by a very good pal. And the rest, so they say, is history.


= = =


Finally!
Done with grieving. Dealt with denial. Here comes acceptance and a newfound confidence.

And happier days....

and opportunities...

and lots of good stuff i have denied/deprived myself of in one way or another because i have been obsessing over something that i'm not supposed to have right now.

I'm at a stage i would call re-focusing.
Getting my feet back to the road i once walked on before i got sidetracked by some of this life's distractions.


= = =


Part of this re-focusing thingy is attending a one-week course on Project Development and Management starting tomorrow.

It's time once again to absorb some new learning experiences. Plus, it's another excuse to get out of the office!


= = =


*sigh*


the worst is over.
the rainclouds gave way to sunshine.
the flowers seem to be more colorful these days.
and i'm having this warm feeling inside that makes the cold December nights a little more bearable.


= = =


As always, I'm thankful and will always be grateful that someone up there loves me still.

May we always remember to count our blessings no matter how difficult these times may be.

Cheers!

Untitled

When I’m in one of my silent moments,
please don’t ask me if I’m OK.

Obviously I am not.

I’m trying to calm
the turbulence within…
things beyond my control and understanding,
pervading irritations and unanswered questions.

You may attempt to get me talking
but you will not succeed.

Please don’t feel that you have a responsibility
to solve my problems.

If you could,
just be there for me.

Your presence is all that matters.

And when I’m letting out a sigh more than once,
or starting to pull my hair out of frustration,
could you please try to embrace me
and just make me feel that you’re there?

When everything is a blur,
a chaos,
when I feel like I can’t take it anymore,
your embrace will keep me from falling.

Your warmth is enough
to soothe the raging spirit
and calm the tempest within me.

I promise,

I won’t ask for anything more

October 2006

for someone who won't be there for me anymore

These are the days....

I'm on caffeine overdose and having an adrenalin rush. Bad combination because now i'm having palpitations.

I have a ton of paperwork to do and the bureaucracy is really not helping me achieve my target for the day.

And i still haven't organized my ideas for a production number for the higher boss' birthday.

And i've been depriving myself of precious sleep for two days already. Blame it on the caffeine. Hehe!


= = =


Yesterday at the choir practice, we were shocked by an SMS we received from a fellow choirmate that another member of ours got admitted at the hospital due to fractured bone when she tripped herself on duty (she works at the hospital).


So before going home, we paid her a visit and found out that she'd been at the hospital since Saturday. She's going home today, and will be wearing that cast for two months.

the gang with (still-smiley-despite-the-injury) Ate Ruby

(Choir)master Robin ransacked the goodies (bantay-salakay, hehe!)

= = =

When i got home, Papa was running a high fever and was complaining of a splitting headache. So i gave him a spongebath (to lower his temperature), sprinkled a generous amount of baby powder on his back (to absorb perspiration) and gave him medicine.

I told my bro to keep watch but i couldn't sleep very well coz i couldn't help worrying about Papa. And when i was finally about to enter dreamland, i was abruptly awakened by bro, asking if he should wake dad up for another dose of medicine. I told him to let him sleep and just give him the medicine in the morning.

I had a hard time getting back to sleep after that. And i was late for work.

Not that i'm complaining. I'm worried, yes, but it's normal to worry (in my case, i panic most of the time) when a family member gets sick.

= = =

I'm already at the stage where i've forgiven dad about his shortcomings and our misunderstandings. And now that things have changed (and he has changed for the better), i just want to spend time with him and enjoy our time together, seeing him smile when i bring home something for him or when i tell a funny thing that happened to me at work.

Even if he's not very vocal about his feelings, I know deep inside that he loves us, his children. I love my dad. And i always pray that God would give him good health so he could enjoy more of what life has to offer.

And for the first time, I told Papa i love him. I think i'm gonna say it more often.

It's Always There...

(If the music doesn't play, try clicking one of the videobox at the sidebar)

Typecast - Infatuation is always there

I understand what you’re trying to sayNo need to say it, I am leavingBut don’t walk away, just stay right thereI’ll fall and i’ll just look at you
I’ll just look at you
I don’t know why i always feel like thisIt’s hard to breathe when you’re aroundYour big blue eyes are drowning me to sleepThe space is tearing meOh stay please stay
Words are not importantSmiles are all i need from youThe yearning, it’s getting strongerI’m dumb, i hope you like me too
You’re two tables away, you could see me mezmerisedI want to talk to you but im so scaredBefore i never cared, infatuation’s never thereBut now it’s killing me
I really hate myselfI really hate myself

= = =

He'd been talking about leaving for quite some time and i've been hearing people talk about it as well. I just shrugged it off before. But now, just thinking about the people who are planning to leave makes me feel sad.

And empty.

But then again, here's a nice thought to ponder on.....




The leaves of the trees just keep falling...


Lesson?

It's not always right for us to keep someone forever. Most of the time, we have to let them go.

Yet, we are still standing.

Thankful...

I've got a lot to be thankful for today.

= = =


For the first time in more than 10 years, I heard my dad said he's going to church. I was so moved by those words that it made me wanna go with him and even told my siblings that we should all go to show dad our support and have that one day for our family to do one thing together.


= = =


Dad won at the Barangay elections last October 29.

A couple of months back, he'd been telling us that he wants to run for a barangay position. It's kind of a family tradition since my late grandfather and two uncles had been active leaders/officials in our neighborhood. I, too, was not spared by the call of public service when i ran for Sangguniang Kabataan and held office from 1996-1999.


= = =


For a couple of months now, Papa had been 95% alcohol-free. We've been talking more and I feel closer to him now. I can feel that his mood has become lighter and his temper is not like before. He laughs more and smiles more nowadays.

Plus, Papa and Mama had been talking more lately through voice chat and they can see each other through webcam. Thanks to faster internet connection at home.


= = =


I have a good feeling that things are getting better.

And I am thankful.


= = =


My family has never been big on hugs or any display of affection. We seldom say "i love you" and seldom talk about usual family stuff at the dinner table.

But these are gonna change, i'm sure. I can feel it now.


= = =


I've always prayed for my dad and my mom.
I've always prayed for my family and loved ones.
And God has answered my prayers.
I am forever thankful.
God is good.


= = =


Now perhaps i could pray for myself this time.
;)

Bittersweet Love

I liked this song when i heard it a couple of years back because of its beat and melody.

Who would've thought i'd find this song again? and now i can so relate to its lyrics.

You took my handYou showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right

I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong

I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no

I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong

They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Yeah yeah

I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew