Suddenly....

the sound of your name feels so unfamiliar...
and the times we shared together
felt like a thousand years ago.
Just when i thought being apart from you
would be like a slow and painful death...
I am still here,
as if you never left...
coz now it feels like you never really came.

A Phonecall

Just when i thought i have forgotten you,
here you are...
with your familiar laugh,
and all the happy memories
i thought i've gotten over with.

Thank You!

Strangers at one point, good friends in time.
Nobody knows how our world works. It's a matter of time when you truly appreciate a person. A matter of fate: where the right people are at the right place & at the right time.
Nobody understands how the universe conspired for us to meet the people we'll love or have connections with.
But then, it just happens, you click and the story begins.


To you, dear friend, thank you for being part of my story.

"Shall we dance?"

a question was asked
left hanging in the air.

ambivalence gets in the way
of an answer never verbalized.

like two people dancing the cha-cha:
you take one step forward
i take one step back.

but you turned around
as i was trying to step forward.

then i took one step back
just as you were coming
towards me.

if this is a game we play
then play just for the game's sake.

dance to the rhythm
but let not the rhythm take over.

i cannot make any promises,
but just go on with the kisses.

i may not always dance with you,
but keep asking me anyway.

It's Always There...

(If the music doesn't play, try clicking one of the videobox at the sidebar)

Typecast - Infatuation is always there

I understand what you’re trying to sayNo need to say it, I am leavingBut don’t walk away, just stay right thereI’ll fall and i’ll just look at you
I’ll just look at you
I don’t know why i always feel like thisIt’s hard to breathe when you’re aroundYour big blue eyes are drowning me to sleepThe space is tearing meOh stay please stay
Words are not importantSmiles are all i need from youThe yearning, it’s getting strongerI’m dumb, i hope you like me too
You’re two tables away, you could see me mezmerisedI want to talk to you but im so scaredBefore i never cared, infatuation’s never thereBut now it’s killing me
I really hate myselfI really hate myself

= = =

He'd been talking about leaving for quite some time and i've been hearing people talk about it as well. I just shrugged it off before. But now, just thinking about the people who are planning to leave makes me feel sad.

And empty.

For the Last Time

This one's for the ex...

Will You Ever Learn

so what's the point in all of this
when you will never change?
the days have passed
the weather's changed
should i be sorry?
should i be sorry?

i did it all, all for you
hoping you would/could see
your eyes are dull, your hands are clenched
are we ready?
are we ready?

but you,
you think about yourself
only 'bout yourself
but what about....
unlonely nights
romantic moments
the love, the love
what about them?
throw it all away

you know me well
you know it's wrong
then what is it you feel
you hide behind those perfect smiles
it worked for me cause you already did

but you,
you think about yourself
only 'bout yourself
but what about....
unlonely nights
romantic moments
the love, the love
what about them?
throw it all away

the perfect dates
the sweetest kisses
the love, the love
what about them?
throw it all away

so what's the point in all of this
when you will never change
the days have passed should i be sorry?
should i be sorry?

= = =

Yup, after all the sh*t i've been through, there comes a time when i must emerge from my miserable state and get on with my life. And the time is now.

I've read somewhere that emotional pain lasts only 12 minutes, and if it lasts longer it is already self-inflicted.

My good buddy M also told me that it was really up to me whether i want to move on or continue hurting myself (emotionally) 'cause now the other guy will never give a sh*t at all.

I choose the former.

I'm never gonna give him the pleasure of seeing me all messed up because of him.

I'm so much better than that.

;P

Not in love

We are nothing like anything at all.

No words to define whatever it is
that happens between me and you.
No logical explanation
why my heart skips a beat
when i'm beside you.

Why i keep snapshots of your smile
carefully tucked away inside my head,
that by the end of the day
i look at them one by one
before i go to bed.

We are nothing like anything at all.

Let's not define what we feel for one another
for we may not be feeling the same thing.
A kiss will always be just a kiss.
And the touch of my skin against yours
may not be like what you're thinking.

Please do not get carried away.

Or maybe i should be the one
who needs to be reminded of these things.
'Cause we are nothing like anything at all.
And i know for sure, you'll never catch me
if ever i fall.

Life's Little Surprises

Showed up at work today wearing a skirt. Like last time, i got people talking. The office people are so used to see me wearing slacks or jeans during washday.

they never thought i could put this number on

Surprise, surprise! It's not even a washday. It felt like a Friday though coz tomorrow's a holiday (end of Ramadan for our Muslim brothers and sisters), so i put on my Friday-best. Besides, i didn't have a pair of jeans or slacks available as i brought them to the laundromat last night.

So folks, if you see me again wearing girly clothes, you already know why.

Obiwan kept looking at me from head to toe (lingering from the waist down) telling me i should wear girly clothes more often as it looks so good on me.

"Aww, shut up" I said while wiping drool off his chin.

;P

= = =

I had the office people pleasantly surprised, but i was in for a shock before that on my way to work.

Good thing i followed my instincts and had quick reflexes that time, or i wouldn't be blogging for quite a long time.

Someone up there really loves me still.

To the driver of that white SUV (not really sure if it was a CRV coz things happened so fast), perhaps you need to have your eyes checked. Or go back to kindergarden coz obviously, you don't know the difference between red and green. YOU SUCK, BIG TIME!

= = =

This time around wasn't as awkward as the previous one, albeit brief. But thanks for staying a little while longer.

The question still dangles in my head though, as i listen to my Rivermaya mp3 collection at 1am (it's Friday already): "What could be wrong kaya?"

You said you have under-estimated me. I say I have over-estimated you.

But you said I haven't seen the best part yet.

OK, surprise me.

I love surprises.
;P

After the End...

It happened here.

So, a couple of days have whizzed by and found me:

...changing my status from "in a relationship" to "single" in my Friendster profile.

...going from "contemplating my next move" to "where do broken hearts go?" to "counting the days" to "cold and empty" as my YM status.

...finding some form of comfort by attending the holy mass at St. Lazarus Shrine.

...listening to Typecast, The Cure and other local emo bands for another kind of comfort.




A couple of days have whizzed by and I'd like to think I'm on my way to getting better.

As Mae said, they don't call me Rocktsik for nothing.




Some quotes:

"Darating din ang araw na ipagpapasalamat ko rin ang araw na ito." (Someday, I'm gonna be thankful that this day had come)

-- told to a longtime friend during a bitchfest over the phone

"I may be a nutcase, but I'm a different case."

-- told to a buddy, assuring him that I'm gonna be fine

But here's the ultimate quote for this post:

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

-- Semisonic (Closing Time)

"...this is my confession..."

"i've come to realize that destiny can hurt a person as much as it can bless. and i find myself
wondering why of all the people in the world i'd fall for someone that can never be mine"

i haven't seen him for quite a while--a week or two perhaps. we've been too busy with our lives that we don't even have time to stop and say "hi". so when i saw him the other day, boy! was i so glad! but i tried hard to suppress it. for fear that he might see through me. i am that transparent with him.

so there he was and, well, there was i in the same room with other people. but it felt as though we were the only ones there. he looked at me and i tried to fathom what lies underneath that gaze. i missed that kind of look. i missed you. i missed you so much i could kiss you now.

he was still looking at me as he stood up and let it linger for a while before he walked out of the room. i looked around. everyone was busy doing their own thing. but something in my head says "go follow him." so i went. only to find out he was outside. waiting. for me?

he held my hand and suddenly we were in some street but surprisingly, no one else was there. he let go of my hand but he pulled me closer to him. it happened so fast and all i could remember was the softness of his lips, the hunger, and yet there was tenderness in his kisses as he was caressing my face. oh how i wish it would not end! i have waited long enough for this. we kissed for what felt like forever until he paused to look at me.

and then i woke up.