She runs...

... to let off steam. Because she felt she was lead on.

... to clear her head. Because she is confused.

... to calm herself. Because she's euphoric and anxious at the same time.

... to keep steady. Because once again, she's falling.

Niños Inocentes

from Wikipedia:

Niños Inocentes is commemorated on December 28 as Holy Innocents' Day or Childermas in other countries. The innocents referred to are the children who are massacred by order of Herod who was seeking the death of the newborn Messiah.

/

I've been chatting with this guy over YM for a couple of days already and we finally agreed to meet up today at the mall. He said he was 27 years old. I'm 28. Okay, the one year difference is not a big deal.

So when i saw him, i told myself, "not bad." He was 5'9" tall, fair skinned, and good-looking! I won't go into details on how the meet-up went. But generally, it was OK.

Later at home, we were still chatting online. However, he confessed that his age was younger than what he told me earlier. Waaay younger.

Aww shucks! So that explains why i have observed some manifestations, but i chose to ignore it.

/

Don't know why i'm trying to connect Niños Inocentes with the earlier meet-up. I've just remembered something that the older folks used to say about Niños Inocentes being like April Fools' Day. And then i found this site, but i don't think it's of much help.

/

Just wondering..... who's the innocent here and who got "massacred."

Ready, Willing and Able!

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace

Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with an offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind
Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love
I am ready

Merry Christmas!

Maligayang Pasko - in Tagalog, my native tongue
Feliz Navidad - in Spanish
Feliz Natal - in Portugese
Buone Feste Natalizie - in Italian
Frohliche Weihnachten - in German
Joyeux Noel - in French

= = =

I'm still down with the cold, double-teamed with cough. But Christmas is Christmas! Food is overflowing and relatives are here. I just had to greet them at a certain distance this time (so as not to spread my virus). Too bad i can't mingle with them. My virus is pretty tough! But i still have time to rest tomorrow as i have scheduled another LOA.

My uncles and cousins are having fun right now, drinking and videoke-singing. Guess i just have to enjoy listening to them as one of my uncles make fun of the song lyrics (he's great at improv!).

= = =

Here's one nice vid i found for this season.



= = =

Have a great Christmas everyone!

Thank You!

Strangers at one point, good friends in time.
Nobody knows how our world works. It's a matter of time when you truly appreciate a person. A matter of fate: where the right people are at the right place & at the right time.
Nobody understands how the universe conspired for us to meet the people we'll love or have connections with.
But then, it just happens, you click and the story begins.


To you, dear friend, thank you for being part of my story.

You Can't Have It All!

This year's lantern did not win any prize.

And as for our production number, we got 2nd prize. Our Cluster usually bags the top prize. But this time, we were second best out of three entries.

Yes, i am very much disappointed. The turnout of events was not worth the sacrifices i made.

But then, yeah, one can't have it all.

Screw them.
>:P

Bureau Christmas Party

It's my 5th Christmas Party with the Bureau, and i'm getting a little nostalgic.

I remember my first Christmas with them, when i was a newbie. I entered the government service in November, and in a few days i've already noticed that the office has different groups (factions may be the most suitable word). But hey, wala namang perfect na organization diba?

Every office has its ups and downs. But when December comes, people here set aside their differences to work together for the season's activities (the annual lantern parade, the production numbers/performances for the agency-wide Christmas party and competitions). I don't care if they're just being "plastic" to one another. All i care about is that even if we have our differences (and some quarrels), we still try to tolerate each other for the sake of Christmas and get together like one big family. Call me naive, but that's just how i see things. I always try to focus on what is good.

In this year's Christmas Party, they gave me the heads up for the program and games. I look at each happy face. I thank God for moments like this. The Bureau has had its changes in personnel lineup (some had been called back by The Big Boss Up There, while some moved to other offices and some others were already retirees), but nevertheless, we are still one big family celebrating the joyous season.

Merry Christmas, HHRDB!

"one step closer to the edge, and i'm about to break!"

I was supposed to be on leave today. But i still went to work. I had my LOA scheduled earlier but now that the party is in two days, i'm up to my neck with activities.

The day started very early for me. Sang in the dawn mass at 5:00 am. Cold caught me already. Then i had to learn the moves that i would be teaching my cluster mates for the production number we'll be performing for the Christmas party in two days. And i'm still about to come up with a program for tomorrow's Bureau Christmas Party.

Call time for the practice was 10:00AM. People arrived a couple of hours later. Waaay later! And yet what we're practicing is supposed to be an entry for a competition.

Let this be the last time things like these happen. I think i've done enough sacrifices already.

Cold Case

Feeling extremely thirsty even after having gulped almost a liter of water. My throat feels parched still. Voice getting hoarse. Signs that i'm going down with a cold. Remind myself to take extra doses of vitamin C.

Can't get sick now. There are things to do: sing in the Misa de Gallo (dawn mass), practice for the DOH Christmas party presentation, plan the program for the Bureau Christmas party.

*sigh*

It's always been like this--getting sick during the Christmas season. This should be the time when work is not hectic and people shop for gifts, but it's the opposite for me. I couldn't squeeze gift shopping in my tight schedule. Rehearsals for production numbers take most of my time after office hours. But in the previous years, i was still able to push through things.

my one minute of fame during last year's Christmas presentation.
partida, may sipon pa ako nyan! hehehe!

this presentation won grand prize

I hope i could still survive the Christmas rush this year.

Let's keep our fingers crossed!

this is how we do it

Back at the office today just in time for the annual lantern parade. Since our "resident jack-of-all-trades" Ekyu left the Bureau, the task of coming up with an entry for our office was delegated to other personnel who also have artistic skills. Last year's lantern (that got the "Most Creative" Award) was conceptualized by Tsari and worked on by some officemates.

Meanwhile, this year's lantern was conceptualized by another colleague whose forte is with native materials. It's less colorful than our previous lanterns, but it's got a class of its own.

Awarding of winners is on Friday, so keep tuned in!

you gotta be this lucky...

I bought this pair of shoes three days ago. I've saved up enough money to buy a decent pair of running shoes as an external motivation for my weekly jog.

Price Tag: US$46 (roughly Php 1,900++)







The next day, my sister sent me an SMS that a package arrived from our cousins in Las Vegas and this pair of shoes was being sold for Php500. My brother picked this out for me, knowing that i've been wanting to buy running shoes.






The initial reaction was: "Whaat! Should i've known that there's a package coming, I never would've bought those shoes that cost me almost two thousand freaking pesos!"

But when the shock wore off, I had a grin on my face and told myself, "I only wanted one. Now i got two pairs of running shoes!"

There's nothing better than this.
;)

walking by myself from the office

7:30 PM

Passed by the chapel but its huge doors were already closed. So i just uttered my thanksgiving prayer while i walked towards the covered walkway near Finance Building. The leaves of the trees were rustling and i felt the cool December wind blowing when i reached the open space of the compound. I closed my eyes for a while and inhaled deeply, feeling the wind on my face. I thank God for moments like that.

Out on the street, past the intersection, towards the other streetcorner where fruit vendors were lined up beside one another. My nose was pleasantly bombarded y the smell of mandarin oranges. I would've bought some to bring home but my hands were already full.

Colorful lanterns were hung everywhere. Christmas lights dance before my very eyes to the tune of "Jingle Bells". Loudspeakers in front of the beauty parlors fill my ears with Christmas songs. I smiled a little smile. But it was my heart that smiled the widest.

The night was brighter. And despite the cold weather, I have this warm feeling inside me that makes me feel good. It's telling me that things are gonna get better. I was happy.

I never noticed these things before when i walked these streets with somebody. And during the first few weeks when i had no choice but to walk by myself, i was always afraid and in tears. But lately, i'm getting the hang of it.

The night was brighter. The sounds were clearer. The mood was lighter. Everywhere i turn, the things i see make me thank God for the small but meaningful things around me.

Every smile i see was greeted back with a smile. But it was my heart that smiled the widest.

;)

accomplishment

i don't know if i should be proud of this considering i was just a "filler" for the course. But with all the new learning i've benefited from it, i think i should be.

and it's kinda like an "i passed a bloody week of studying" certificate.

;P

lots of things can change in a matter of seven days

It's good to be back home!

I can see familiar faces as i got my luggage from the taxi and dragged myself to the gate of our compound.

But wait... it's the same house, but it feels different.

Perhaps because it was tidier than when i left it?
Or because it was brighter then usual?

It's still the same house.

Perhaps i just got used to living by myself in my hotel room for a week, with its dim lighting, continuous flow of water, airconditioning, no pollution (i hate cigarette smoke!), no dishes to wash, no laundry.

I went outside to see children have grown so fast! In a week's time! Gee, i spent seven days cooped up inside the hotel for a training and.... i missed out on a lot of things!

in the blink of an eye....
....someone, somewhere celebrates his/her birthday
....someone is mending a broken heart
....someone is forced to "grow up" fast and leave childish things behind.

Seven days felt like seven years already.

I'm glad to be back home.

can u tell me again why i'm here?

First day of class for the Project Development & Management Course for Local Health Implementors.

Is it just me or am i really not supposed to be here?
1. All of the participants are from the Local Government Units of Oriental Mindoro except me (and two other colleagues from the Central Office)
2. Most of them are doctors, budget officers, BAC officers, etc from their respective units. In short, the course is tailor-made for them.
3. I was informed that i should attend this today, but the rest were already in the venue since yesterday.
4. I get the feeling that i'm gonna be a filler again. Like last time.


But then...
1. As i have said, it's a good excuse to get out of the office.
2. This will be useful someday.
3. Not everybody gets this kind of opportunity to be sent to a training of this kind even if i'm just a "filler."

So, might as well, take in whatever learning there is to absorb from this course and have fun!

we all have to go through bad days but hey, you can't have everything

updates, updates.

yeah, it's been a while since my last post.

i was supposed to be at Puerto Galera a couple of weeks ago but i backed out at the last minute because i needed to wallow again in my "miserable ex-girlfriend who got dumped twice and i really need to hide in my shell" mode. I was even about to do something really stupid that i would regret later on, but i was talked out of it by a very good pal. And the rest, so they say, is history.


= = =


Finally!
Done with grieving. Dealt with denial. Here comes acceptance and a newfound confidence.

And happier days....

and opportunities...

and lots of good stuff i have denied/deprived myself of in one way or another because i have been obsessing over something that i'm not supposed to have right now.

I'm at a stage i would call re-focusing.
Getting my feet back to the road i once walked on before i got sidetracked by some of this life's distractions.


= = =


Part of this re-focusing thingy is attending a one-week course on Project Development and Management starting tomorrow.

It's time once again to absorb some new learning experiences. Plus, it's another excuse to get out of the office!


= = =


*sigh*


the worst is over.
the rainclouds gave way to sunshine.
the flowers seem to be more colorful these days.
and i'm having this warm feeling inside that makes the cold December nights a little more bearable.


= = =


As always, I'm thankful and will always be grateful that someone up there loves me still.

May we always remember to count our blessings no matter how difficult these times may be.

Cheers!

It's good for you!

It's good to be back to blogging and writing about happy things again as i had been sucked by the "blue bug" and couldn't get out of the "black hole" for a couple of weeks. Good thing there are people i call friends who helped me snap out of it and pulled me out.

Anyway, here's a fresh way start the month with.




Have you had your veggies today?

Jampacked Friday

I thought this was gonna be a breezy day.

I was wrong.

Had to pinch hit for a colleague (who was out on field work) and facilitate the administrative concerns as preparation for yet another field work next week which i will be joining as well. Destination: Puerto Galera in Oriental Mindoro. It's gonna be my 2nd time there, but that's another story.

And so while everyone else are enjoying the program during the birthday celebration of one of the agency's bosses, I was making calls and trying to control my irritation over some people's lack of concern for something that should've been attended to a couple of weeks before.

i had to sneak a peek for a while there

I was juggling other colleagues' work with mine. But with coordination and dogged persistence, i was finally able to reconcile some conflicts concerning next week's task. Problem solved.

By 6pm i was on my way to attend the birthday party of my officemate's kid.

the cute birthday boy

Rushed to the airport by 7:30pm to fetch colleagues from Laoag. Our office driver didn't want to go alone so i had to go with him to NAIA Terminal 2. Flight from Laoag was delayed so there wasn't anything else to do but wait and chat with the driver.

along the way
the Manila City Hall and the Clock Tower

The sacrifices you have to make in the exigency of the service. Oh well! As i usually say, things happen!

It's a Friday anyway. No work tomorrow and i can sleep all day if i want!

Back at work station by 11pm but still had time to check out a local watering hole nearby called Politika. The joint was rather small, but tastefully done. There was no live band (unlike the Panulukan just across the street) but they have soothing bossa music in the background. My only problem was the cigarette smoke.

Some of the artworks that decked the walls (and every other part) of the joint

But overall, the place is good for catching up with friends and chat the night away while enjoying Politika's house pizza -- a very simple one with onions, tomatoes, cream cheese, salted egg and mozzarella cheese as toppings.

first time to try a vodka mudshake
tasted kinda like Bailey's Irish Cream

Home by 1:30am. Tired and sleepy. It had been, however, a fulfilling day.

Good night.

His Lucky Day

Was at the mall with my buddy Manny to buy a birthday gift for an officemate's kid. Had a hard time picking a gift suitable for a 2-year old boy. Manny bought a toy truck, while i wanted something educational for the kid, but those kinds are way beyond my budget.

I ended up buying a toy piano. Manny said it was perfectly fine.

"Who knows, he might grow up to be an excellent pianist someday!" he said.

So after paying for the items, we went to the gift wrapping section where there was a long line of customers. Manny, being the gentleman that he is, offered to wait in line with our gifts as he let me look around the mall for a while.

I came back after a few minutes to check on him. He looked a little bored and perhaps a little worried about his bet at the OTB (off-track betting station) coz he was there before we headed for the nearby mall.

"Don't worry Manny, your bet will win." i said all of a sudden.

His mood brightened up for a while, and after our gifts have been wrapped, i headed home while Manny went back to the OTB.

= = =

Most times, i'd like to think that i have a certain kind of gift. Well, yeah, aside from the birthday gift that i bought. Coz whenever i blurt out something out of the blue, like when i say that something's gonna happen, it does happen!


And usually, the things i say are just like passing comments that i forget about after a few minutes.

= = =

So when i got home, i was surprised to get an SMS from Manny.

You're right Tsiki. I won 600 bucks from my bet. Have a good night.

I guess i should be blurting out more positive things then!

Baby

It was already dark when i got out of the office, but i still had to go to the nearby mall to get some personal stuff and pay for my cellphone bill.

I hated going to the mall by myself. But now i had to. I'll have no more shopping companion since he called it quits. And even if he said we'll remain friends, i don't think he can be able to accompany me on such activities. I can no longer invite him to go malling, or strolling at the park. He'll be accompanying someone else now.

There was no one else to tag along, so i had to grin and bear it this time. No one to talk with while waiting at the checkout counter and lining up at the bills payment section.

After almost 45 minutes, i finally boarded a jeepney headed home. Seated in front of me was a lovely pregnant woman with her husband. I usually don't mind other passengers in the jeepney. But when i saw the couple in front of me, memories began to flood my thoughts.

Memories that seemed like it was just yesterday...


"I want twins--a boy and a girl." I smiled my big, dreamy smile while we were cuddled up and having our usual talk sessions.

"You sure you want twins?" he asked, relishing the idea.

"Yeah, why not? We'll name the boy Denver, and the girl will be Aspen."

"That's great!" He kissed my forehead, caressed my cheek and buried his face in my hair.

"You'd be one hot momma. I wonder how you'd look like when you're pregnant already." He was teasing me again. He wanted to have babies--the sooner, the better.

"I'm sure i'll be one hot momma. But for now, i'm perfectly fine with my one and only baby--YOU! The twins can wait til we're stable enough to raise them, okay?" I gave him a tight hug and kissed him gently on his nose and a deep one on his lips.


I tried to shake it off and closed my eyes. But it was his face i saw at the back of my mind.

"Darn it!" I muttered while letting out a sigh.

He's with someone else now, and working hard to start a family.

I wonder if he still remembers that talk we had... when we were planning for our future together, with twins we'll call Denver and Aspen.

Maybe not anymore. He's got different plans now. And will be having a family of his own.

I looked outside and stared at the headlights of a car behind me til my eyes hurt and tears threaten to fall.

"Well," i thought "he's gonna have to think of other names for his kids now."

Gone Straight

me with my natural curls a month ago................ and me since Sunday

Vote for your favorite hairstyle!

Various Positions

Once again, here's the cat of the house, Ebony.

she likes to lean on our mattress

sometimes, on my sister's shoes

you'll also see her sleeping like this

and most times, curled up on our mattress.
She likes to lay on soft beddings.

Surrender

I may have the talent and creativity...

I may have the "grand idea"...

I may have done what others viewed as impossible...

But I'm no superwoman.

And sometimes, after weighing all the pros and cons...

there are cases when i have to accept that things are beyond my control.

So i had to tell the boss:

"We can't have the production number, sir."

To which the boss said:

"OK. Let's have the Plan B."

And it was fine with me-- and for most of us, who really cannot join the group for some unavoidable reasons.

I convince myself afterwards, "it's ok girl. It's not your fault. Next time will be better."

He Said, She Said...

He said:

Hi,
You asked me to explain my message that "I'm not the right person and you want something else now."
I last wrote you Oct 29 but you never responded so I assumed you werent interested in me.
But I saw your new photos. I liked the halloween ones and then later I saw a new main photo. I like you because you seem so playful and lively. I havent really seen the serious side that I think must be there from your psychology background and "field work." But Im a serious rather intellectual and introspective person. Im lively but not like in your halloween photo. So the contrast between how I imagine us seemed too much. I felt the age difference much more strongly, even though my ex was 27 years younger. Maybe where we are in our lives is too different?
Also I want to get married and I have the impression you are looking for a friend or an activity partner now.
What I wrote was just my feeling. I could be wrong because I really dont know you.
I hope I have answered your question. I would like to hear your response.




She said:

Hello,
I'm sorry you felt that way. I guess i was just too busy with a lot of things that i wasn't able to reply to your previous messages. It just happened that i was in the middle of things (some life-changing ones i'd rather not explain).

It's nice to know that you saw me as a fun person, contrary to what most people think, having the first impression that i'm all serious and boring. But wasn't it you who observed (from my profile) that i am a mixture of extremes? Aside from being a fun person, I am particularly an introspective person, if not very intellectual.

Yes, you don't know me very well. A lot of people can't understand my personality.

And right now, i'm not thinking about getting married yet. I have just come from a break-up a couple of months ago because my ex wanted to settle down already. And he couldn't wait, so he left. No, i'm not commitment phobic. It's just that i didn't feel i was ready. I'm sure i'll get to that point someday.

As of now, i'm building new friendships (while rekindling old ones and recovering lost ones).

So, yeah, maybe i'm not the right person coz you want something else now.

I hope my response was clear enough.

Down The Road

patiently, i waited,
but i waited in vain.
no, there won't be a final kiss.
there wasn't even a first kiss.
there was only a faint image
of your back towards me
and a deafening silence.

i reached for you,
only to find out
there wasn't anything to hold on to.
no outstretched hand,
no words of comfort,
nothing at all.

you never spoke of the words
i long to hear.
you only gave me promises,
sugar-coated words
that have lost their sweetness.
no meaning at all.

it's wrong to say i have lost you.
i never had your heart
like the way you had mine

and somewhere along the way...
you lost me.


- October 13, 2003

= = =

(was doing some cleaning yesterday when i stumbled upon my old notebooks. Brought back memories. I remember the boy, but i don't remember the feeling anymore. Haha! Y'all gonna see some more of these kind pretty soon!)

From behind!

I'm fond of taking pictures of people from behind. ;)

Don't know if there are serious psychological explanation for that. ;P

Untitled

When I’m in one of my silent moments,
please don’t ask me if I’m OK.

Obviously I am not.

I’m trying to calm
the turbulence within…
things beyond my control and understanding,
pervading irritations and unanswered questions.

You may attempt to get me talking
but you will not succeed.

Please don’t feel that you have a responsibility
to solve my problems.

If you could,
just be there for me.

Your presence is all that matters.

And when I’m letting out a sigh more than once,
or starting to pull my hair out of frustration,
could you please try to embrace me
and just make me feel that you’re there?

When everything is a blur,
a chaos,
when I feel like I can’t take it anymore,
your embrace will keep me from falling.

Your warmth is enough
to soothe the raging spirit
and calm the tempest within me.

I promise,

I won’t ask for anything more

October 2006

for someone who won't be there for me anymore

"Shall we dance?"

a question was asked
left hanging in the air.

ambivalence gets in the way
of an answer never verbalized.

like two people dancing the cha-cha:
you take one step forward
i take one step back.

but you turned around
as i was trying to step forward.

then i took one step back
just as you were coming
towards me.

if this is a game we play
then play just for the game's sake.

dance to the rhythm
but let not the rhythm take over.

i cannot make any promises,
but just go on with the kisses.

i may not always dance with you,
but keep asking me anyway.

One rainy night...

he laid down on my bed while i was sleeping. I was waken by the slight movement but i didn't open my eyes. I knew it was him because of the familiar scent he wears.

He was watching me sleep... with my back towards him. I felt him come closer until i felt his warm breath at the back of my neck. He wrapped his arm around my waist as he brushed aside my hair that partly covered my face, and he whispered my name... letting his lips brush past my ear... and ever so lightly grazing my neck and shoulder.

"Honey," the words escaped from my lips in a whisper, my eyes still closed. His arm around my waist wrapped tighter, then i felt his warm hand reaching for my breasts... the back of my neck was showered with butterfly kisses.

I turned towards him to meet his kisses, which are now getting deeper and deeper. Moans escaped his lips with every kiss... his hand caressing my already bare back.

It was cold outside, but i was wiping beads of sweat from his forehead. The pouring rain drowned every moan and sigh... and the dark of night concealed every touching, groping, caressing of hands and bodies intertwined.

The coldness of the night was filled with warmth... and tenderness. And although it was still dark, the union of two souls in love somehow lit up the room and made life a little more worthwhile.

The rain finally stopped. Beside him, with my head on his chest, i was peacefully listening to his heartbeat, contented with his arms wrapped around me. He began singing my favorite song. More like whispering, but i could clearly hear it.

He ran his fingers through my hair, still whispering my song. I closed my eyes and went back to sleep, keeping a snapshot of the moment in my head. For i know he won't be there beside me when i wake up in the morning.

where art thou, guardian angel?

Here's your song, A.

When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face
I can't replace

And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me, I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's ok, It's ok, It's ok

Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Cause you're my

You're my
My true love
My whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cause I'm here, for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay...

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Test your I.Q.!

Extra Lines	Flash Games & Online Games

Of rediscovery and missed opportunities

I'm stuck at home today. It's been raining hard when i woke up this morning and i'm not feeling well. The dark skies makes it feel like it's 6pm when it's only almost 4pm.

I would've been meeting VIPs at the Manila Peninsula today. I've already psyched myself up to it. But i'm here at home.

Yeah, sh*t happens.

The "Corporate Attire" that i was supposed to wear today.

Funny part is, that outfit wasn't the first thing i had in mind when i was picking which dress to wear. Last time i wore it was 6 years ago for a job interview. When i entered the government four years ago, i couldn't wear the dress anymore because we have an office uniform and i have gained weight (body fat!) in six months. The dress was hung at the farthest side of the closet, waiting for the time when i could wear it again. I didn't have the heart to give it away.

And then i stumbled upon it last night. Thought of trying it on. And it fit!

But then again.....

Oh well!

(sighs and publishes this post)

These are the days....

I'm on caffeine overdose and having an adrenalin rush. Bad combination because now i'm having palpitations.

I have a ton of paperwork to do and the bureaucracy is really not helping me achieve my target for the day.

And i still haven't organized my ideas for a production number for the higher boss' birthday.

And i've been depriving myself of precious sleep for two days already. Blame it on the caffeine. Hehe!


= = =


Yesterday at the choir practice, we were shocked by an SMS we received from a fellow choirmate that another member of ours got admitted at the hospital due to fractured bone when she tripped herself on duty (she works at the hospital).


So before going home, we paid her a visit and found out that she'd been at the hospital since Saturday. She's going home today, and will be wearing that cast for two months.

the gang with (still-smiley-despite-the-injury) Ate Ruby

(Choir)master Robin ransacked the goodies (bantay-salakay, hehe!)

= = =

When i got home, Papa was running a high fever and was complaining of a splitting headache. So i gave him a spongebath (to lower his temperature), sprinkled a generous amount of baby powder on his back (to absorb perspiration) and gave him medicine.

I told my bro to keep watch but i couldn't sleep very well coz i couldn't help worrying about Papa. And when i was finally about to enter dreamland, i was abruptly awakened by bro, asking if he should wake dad up for another dose of medicine. I told him to let him sleep and just give him the medicine in the morning.

I had a hard time getting back to sleep after that. And i was late for work.

Not that i'm complaining. I'm worried, yes, but it's normal to worry (in my case, i panic most of the time) when a family member gets sick.

= = =

I'm already at the stage where i've forgiven dad about his shortcomings and our misunderstandings. And now that things have changed (and he has changed for the better), i just want to spend time with him and enjoy our time together, seeing him smile when i bring home something for him or when i tell a funny thing that happened to me at work.

Even if he's not very vocal about his feelings, I know deep inside that he loves us, his children. I love my dad. And i always pray that God would give him good health so he could enjoy more of what life has to offer.

And for the first time, I told Papa i love him. I think i'm gonna say it more often.

and those were the days...

It was just like any other working day yesterday. Not too heavy. But for unknown reasons (aside from the coffee i've been OD-ing on), after returning from another office, my heartbeat was pounding with no particular rhythm and i just felt like screaming my lungs out.

Later on i rationalized it was stress from the previous days manifesting itself just yesterday.

*sigh*

These days surely make me recall my out-of-town trips (official business or otherwise) and reminisce about the fun of just being out of the confines of my office cubicle!

Bataan with my choirmates

January and April 2007

one morning in Orani (still wearing my PJs).......and at the foot of the cross at Mt. Samat

Baguio City

Quezon Province (with officemates)

2005

After climbing the Grotto Doloroso (with 300 steps and a larger-than-life station of the cross)

Batangas

March 2007

taking a short break (nap?)

DTTB Monitoring 2005

need i say where?

Davao City

upon landing at the airport!

Not exactly out of town

my dancegroup in Quezon City......... and revisiting Fort Santiago

So-So Weekend

Missed my Saturday jog again. Oh well, things happen.

So, I just used the time to do my chores at home! Yup. I had a week's worth of laundry, some dusting and sweeping to do and volunteered to cook for lunch. But that's okay. I've been doing those things since i was little (and i'm still little, with a 5'2" height, hehehe!). And i had the time and energy yesterday, unlike the past weeks when i've been exhausted with work and i couldn't do anything else when i get home but eat a little and sleep.

It's a good thing that work is not heavy lately. I get to catch up on some other important things like chatting up with my cousins (we live in the same area but we rarely see each other coz of our busy schedules), attending choir practice (dami ko nang utang 'Bin! hehehe!), spending time with my family, and yes--household chores.


Sunday is my rest day. After attending mass, have lunch and just have an easy, lazy day. Pig out on some munchies while watching movies on DVD, or update my blog, maybe?--just so we can show Mom that we have a life even if it's not that interesting.

Hello Mother!

Oh wait, I have to work on a presentation. Well, more like a production number. It's for the boss' birthday on the 23rd.

Will be meeting with the other boss for approval. And then there's the rehearsal, the costumes, the set, lighting.... okay, i gotta go.

And i hope your weekend had been more interesting than mine.
;P

To those who are curious about the song Alamona (Alam mo na: a tagalog phrase meaning "you-know-what")

It's performed by a band who call themselves Endofcontracts (yup, it's spelled as one word). This indie music was used in the soundtrack of an indie movie titled Boso, starring Katya Santos and Jeffrey Quizon.

The band's album is said to be available in record stores nationwide. I'm goin' to check it out later.

Anyway, here's a rough translation of its lyrics:

I told you it's okay
I'm not the jealous type
and i know you've got someone else in your life
I won't be demanding to be squeezed
in your very tight schedule

And I'll always be here waiting
even if it means being your #2
just as long as i have....

your sweet kisses and you-know-what...
The way you touch my heart
makes up for the times you're not here
with me 'cause yoiu're with someone else

And when you wake up in the morning
you'll be leaving me again
'Cause you'll go back to your "real world"
and pretend that you're okay
and completely happy with him/her.

When will you be mine, all mine?

Your sweet kisses and you-know-what
To wake up in your arms with no one else between us
The touch of your hand and you-know-what
and the neverending affection that overwhelms me.

Pinoy Indie

Bro showed me this clip the other day and i instantly "fell in love" with it. Kaka-aliw! It's now one of my current faves!

It's Always There...

(If the music doesn't play, try clicking one of the videobox at the sidebar)

Typecast - Infatuation is always there

I understand what you’re trying to sayNo need to say it, I am leavingBut don’t walk away, just stay right thereI’ll fall and i’ll just look at you
I’ll just look at you
I don’t know why i always feel like thisIt’s hard to breathe when you’re aroundYour big blue eyes are drowning me to sleepThe space is tearing meOh stay please stay
Words are not importantSmiles are all i need from youThe yearning, it’s getting strongerI’m dumb, i hope you like me too
You’re two tables away, you could see me mezmerisedI want to talk to you but im so scaredBefore i never cared, infatuation’s never thereBut now it’s killing me
I really hate myselfI really hate myself

= = =

He'd been talking about leaving for quite some time and i've been hearing people talk about it as well. I just shrugged it off before. But now, just thinking about the people who are planning to leave makes me feel sad.

And empty.

But then again, here's a nice thought to ponder on.....




The leaves of the trees just keep falling...


Lesson?

It's not always right for us to keep someone forever. Most of the time, we have to let them go.

Yet, we are still standing.

Childhood Memory

Have you ever had a scary childhood memory? Have you ever had disturbing feelings evoked by a certain character from a cartoon movie you've seen when you were younger?


Call me weird. This is what freaked me out when i first saw it when i was a kid:

the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland

= = =

Yesterday, my sister happened to buy me a yellow (my favorite color) shirt with this design:

Yup, it's the same cat

She tossed me the shopping bag and said with a grin: "i know this freaked you out when you were young, that's why i bought this for you."

That's how my sister shows her love for me. ;P

Commercial Muna!

Sitting Pretty!

Once again, here's Ebony!

she likes to sit like this.
Really. It's not done with photoshop.

and she loves to sit on my favorite malong!

Hmm, when it says shapeshifter, does it mean i'm "plastic"? Hehehe.

Here's another quiz that manifests my bipolar characteristic.

What Your Handwriting Says About You

You are sometimes a very energetic person, but you are sometimes quite lethargic. You're moody, prone to ups and downs, and you don't have a lot of endurance. You range from very outgoing to very shy. You are a shapeshifter who is very versatile. You adapt well, and you look at things from many angles. You are balanced and grounded. You know how to get along well with others. You need a bit of space in your life, but you're not a recluse. You expect people to give you a small amount of privacy, and you respect their privacy as well. You are somewhat traditional, but you are also open to change. You listen to your head and your heart. You are a decent communicator. You eventually get your point across, but sometimes you leave things a bit ambiguous.

What Does Your Handwriting Say About You?

Thankful...

I've got a lot to be thankful for today.

= = =


For the first time in more than 10 years, I heard my dad said he's going to church. I was so moved by those words that it made me wanna go with him and even told my siblings that we should all go to show dad our support and have that one day for our family to do one thing together.


= = =


Dad won at the Barangay elections last October 29.

A couple of months back, he'd been telling us that he wants to run for a barangay position. It's kind of a family tradition since my late grandfather and two uncles had been active leaders/officials in our neighborhood. I, too, was not spared by the call of public service when i ran for Sangguniang Kabataan and held office from 1996-1999.


= = =


For a couple of months now, Papa had been 95% alcohol-free. We've been talking more and I feel closer to him now. I can feel that his mood has become lighter and his temper is not like before. He laughs more and smiles more nowadays.

Plus, Papa and Mama had been talking more lately through voice chat and they can see each other through webcam. Thanks to faster internet connection at home.


= = =


I have a good feeling that things are getting better.

And I am thankful.


= = =


My family has never been big on hugs or any display of affection. We seldom say "i love you" and seldom talk about usual family stuff at the dinner table.

But these are gonna change, i'm sure. I can feel it now.


= = =


I've always prayed for my dad and my mom.
I've always prayed for my family and loved ones.
And God has answered my prayers.
I am forever thankful.
God is good.


= = =


Now perhaps i could pray for myself this time.
;)

Gone for the Weekend: Subic!

I missed jogging yesterday.

Kuya Buddy (my balikbayan cousin from Vegas) will be going back to the States in a couple of days and he wanted to have some bonding time with the whole family (cousins, uncles and aunts) so he treated us all to an out of town trip. Destination: the beach at Subic.

Funny thing while we were on the road:

We were so careful not to violate the traffic rules enforced inside Subic so we waited patiently for the red light to go green. But it took a little longer and we were thinking the traffic light must be out of order. We kept looking at our back and saw the line behind us. Some of us were prodding ChoBobot (my uncle and designated driver) to go ahead anyway but after quite some time, (thank heavens!) the lights changed to green.

= = =

It was a warm day and the water was calm but we didn't dare take a dip yet as the sun was scorchingly hot. The boys opted to play, though!

the more athletic ones played beach football while artistic bro built sand castles

Late afternoon was our time to dip in the water which was starting to get cold. Did my own style of swimming--some pseudo-backstroke and some floating tricks here and there (uh, freestyle?) which i reckoned was equivalent to my Saturday jog. So i'm not a good swimmer. So what? ;P

Kuya Buddy was the center of attention when he fooled around in the water (like taking off his shorts and waving it in the air for all of us to see, and some other things i shouldn't be mentioning here) that got us all laughing and cheering for him.

Yup, we were a rowdy bunch. And we enjoyed every minute of it.

see the smiles in our faces?
Naah! But look at that backdrop!
Who wouldn't be captivated by the scene behind us?